Saturday, August 30, 2014

Patient Acceptance Pop Quiz

So here I am being all patiently accepting and feeling smug, until I get a pop quiz to see how I'm really doing in Buddhism 101. I drive out to the house I just moved out of to do one last once-over before the walk-through with the new owner. I think I'm just going to have to do a few things, since I paid my former cleaning woman (I haven't had one regularly for years now, am much less posh than I used to be) $150 to clean the empty house and garage and another out-building on the property.  I get there today and realize she only did the house, and didn't do that well enough to keep me from being mortified to have the new owner see it like that. So I have to get all my cleaning stuff and go out there first thing tomorrow morning and do the job I paid her to do. Just what everyone wants to do on the Sunday of a three-day weekend.

I am trying to be totally cool with this, trying to be patiently accepting and not feel put-upon and bitch about it, not put a poor-me post on Facebook. I am getting a B- so far, I think. No Facebook post (someone might see it and then stumble on this and OMG my cover would be blown because I know everyone just lives to learn my real identity and I am not in the least paranoid) but had some feelings of being put-upon and engaged in a smidge of bitching via text before I forced myself to cut it out and be patiently accepting, goddamn it!

I am down with the B- because that means I get an A in Battling Perfectionism but oh shit, that means I don't get an A because I was so smug about being satisfied with the B-.  Oh, Lord, my craziness never ends, does it?

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